From Crawling to Running

Anyone that has been following our journey closely at all recently, knows that the past year has been full of ups and downs for us - that's any journey really.  Lately God has been revealing some things to me about this journey that is personal to me, but that I also feel others could relate to their own journey.  So I wanted to share some of it here.  Hopefully someone else can be encouraged and if nothing else I can get some of my thoughts pulled together :)

Last week a friend of ours had a dream about Ryder.  In the dream he was just as he is now.  A seven month old baby.  Not quite crawling, not pulling himself up yet.  And yet, as this friend saw him in the dream he began to get up.  He was standing and then he was running - just as he is now, a baby. He went from crawling to running.

When she shared this dream with me my first thought was in the physical realm, "Oh, no! I'm not ready for that.  He's supposed to be the laid-back one!" Later, as Hans and I were praying for Ryder after his bout with the flu and even more nights with very little sleep, this dream took on a new meaning.  I began to see Ryder's spirit go from crawling along to running, to pursuing his destiny.  I began to see our lives going from this fog of sleeplessness and busyness to running along and going after those things God has in store for us. All of a sudden I saw God's heart for us.  And it wasn't for us to remain as crawlers, just getting by.  It was to rise up, even when it seemed impossible and unlikely, and to run.

As this relates to Ryder, I had to laugh at myself a little.  We named this little guy Ryder Elisha.  We felt that was the name we were supposed to give him.  He's a "Warrior"  "Prophet". And then we expected him to come into this world and into our little family and to be at rest and to ease right in to this nice little space we had for him.  I wonder how much God has chuckled at us over the past few months.  I still believe God has good sleep and health and peace in store for Ryder.  We are beginning to see that.  But the boy isn't going to fit into a box.  He has a purpose.  He has a destiny, and I don't think it has much to do with being a restful little guy that lies around and doesn't cause any disturbances!

I believe Ryder's birth and the months since then have signified a change of pace for Hans and I as well.  God is beginning to take us into a new season.  See often I want the things of God, but I want to be at rest.  I want them to come in and fit into the nice little spot I have created for them.  I want it to all look nice and sweet.  But see, the problem is that I don't think the call God has for Hans and me has much to do with sitting around and not causing any disturbances either.  God has good things in store, but it doesn't come in the neat little package I expect sometimes.

I am determined, that as we seek God, we will go from crawling to running.  We don't have to linger in this phase anymore where we can make it, we can get around, but it's just not that productive.  God has more in store for our family and He has more in store for you. Crawling is an important step.  This season has been one of growth.  It has been needed, just as crawling is an important milestone for a baby. But it's not a season to dwell in. I want more for Ryder than for him to crawl the rest of his life.  God wants more for me too. I am called to be a runner. I guess I'll have to leave a few boxes behind.

Crawling is good and even necessary for a season,

but there is so much more joy and freedom that comes when we run

Choosing Joy

Today I have a choice. I can give in to the despair that sickness and more sleepless nights lays so clearly in front of me, or I can choose joy. Choose to see blessing where my tired mind sees curses. Choose to see happiness where fatigue begs to see only sadness. I know in the big picture it's clearly better to choose joy, but often in the moment I can only see the dirty house, the crusty noses, the piles of laundry, the hungry bellies. I know in the greater scheme happiness is the key, but so often I only feel the overwhelming responsibility of it all, the exhaustion, the sense of defeat.

Today I am taking a moment, and I'm choosing well. I will post it all over the house if I have to because today I choose joy. I choose life. I choose to see my blessings in the midst of the moment, and I will choose grace when I fail. It's my choice.

Sweet Boy is 6 Months!

My little man is 6 months old today!  

He's a sweet happy little guy.

With a serious side.  He will have to check you out before he breaks into that grin of his.

He's getting so big.  I think with each baby I try to slow down time more and more and am less eager for them to hit the next milestone.

Ryder LOVES his sisters and they are the best babysitters a mommy could ask for (sorry about the crazy girl hair, but this is real life after all!)

Happy six months sweet boy!

At six months I am:

• Rolling from my belly to back
• Starting to scoot around
• Keeping my blue eyes!
• Eating like a big boy - love squash and pears, not a big fan of peas
• Loving my bouncy seat but also enjoying the exersaucer and bumbo when it means I can be close to mommy while she cooks :)
• Smiling and laughing a lot- especially for my sisters
• Putting anything I can get a hold of into my mouth
• Teething, but no teeth yet and drooling a lot (as you can tell from my       pictures)
• Pretty laid-back, except for when it's time to sleep!
• Making Mommy and Daddy very happy and proud!

Sweet Sleep

2014 has come in with a bang for us - lots of sickness, little sleep. I don't believe it's a preview of all this year holds.  I know God has good things in store for us. But, it does just seem like this culmination of all that's been going on the past several months, and it's stirring my spirit.

My number one prayer for awhile has been for peace and sleep for our family.  Ryder came into our lives as this sweet little bundle that just didn't like to sleep all that much, at least not outside of my arms. He gave us a little respite between 2 and 3 months, but it was short lived and by about 4 months in I felt like I was ready to crash and burn.  Little sleep leaves me very emotional and me being very emotional leaves everyone in this home feeling vulnerable. Sad mommy = sad family.

So I decided to start praying, really praying.  I don't know why it took that long.  In the last two months I have probably spent hours praying and singing to my Father with my baby in my arms.  Probably some of my best spent time this whole year. I know God has heard my cries. And so these last two weeks have just seemed like one last jab from the enemy.

But, see the great thing is that he doesn't win. As I spend time with my Father my heart mends, my emotions are channeled, my soul is singing again. I believe God's heart is for sweet sleep for my baby, just as much as He desires health for us.  So I'll just keep asking and realizing He will have to take care of the rest.  So 2014, here we come!

Hans built the girls bunk beds for Christmas.  They love them! And actually, when healthy, I think they are sleeping better than ever in their new beds.

This guy is just the sweetest thing.  He just loves to snuggle... all night long :)

This was Brielle's last night in her crib.  She is growing up so fast and doing really well sleeping in her new bed and going potty!

Natalie made Christmas so much fun this year.  She is busy learning.  She writes almost all of her letters and her latest kick is writing words.  So much fun watching her learn and knowing she's getting ready for kindergarten!

Breathe deep and run!

Awww.... that moment of quiet, that some days never seems to fall upon this house, but always seems to come when most needed.  Breathe deep, refocus, rest for another run.  Sometimes I cannot find the quiet, and I just pray for refreshment while I run; but today it's here, and I'm clinging to it for a few moments. This is one tough and beautiful job.

And to all the mothers out there, you are tough and beautiful woman designed specifically for this tough and beautiful job. Don't forget it.  Breathe deep and run!

3 months!

I can't believe my little Ryder man is 3 months old already!  He is such a little sweetie.  I would have to say little boys are every bit as sweet as little girls.  He is smiling a lot these days and is starting to have a lot to say. I have yet to get a laugh from him, but he's getting so close and I'm trying every goofy thing possible :)  I thought he was going to be my worst sleeper, but he is settling in and often sleeping 8-10 hour stretches at night. We are falling more in love with this little guy everyday!

Ryder and his friend from church, Anna. She's 10 days older than he is

He likes making this face for the camera apparently

 

All dressed up at church on Sunday - such a little man! 

Real Life

After my last blog I felt like I should do a follow up of what grace really looks like in my life.  I never got around to it. I was talking with some friends last night about life and realized I needed to write that update See, grace is not me sitting in my spotless house while my angelic children sleep peacefully and awake with charming personalities to a mother who is always gracious and loving :)  Grace is not perfection.  On the morning I wrote that blog it looked more like this.  I got upset with my husband when he did not meet my expectations.  I raised my voice at one of my girls when she did not want the breakfast I prepared.  I was impatient with children that needed me while I was overwhelmed with a too big to do list.  And yet, over all of that was this sense of grace.  This knowing that God is not disappointed in my imperfection.  The thought that He is big enough to cover it.  Grace happens in real life.  Thank goodness, because there is a lot of real life going on around here, and I'm guessing that happens at your house too.  I'm learning not to be afraid of that.  Realizing that God has me covered while I grow and learn. Knowing that my kids can be just as happy with uncombed hair and toys strewn across that house, and maybe even more importantly realizing I can be happy in the midst of all of that too.  Gotta love real life!