Breathe deep and run!

Awww.... that moment of quiet, that some days never seems to fall upon this house, but always seems to come when most needed.  Breathe deep, refocus, rest for another run.  Sometimes I cannot find the quiet, and I just pray for refreshment while I run; but today it's here, and I'm clinging to it for a few moments. This is one tough and beautiful job.

And to all the mothers out there, you are tough and beautiful woman designed specifically for this tough and beautiful job. Don't forget it.  Breathe deep and run!

3 months!

I can't believe my little Ryder man is 3 months old already!  He is such a little sweetie.  I would have to say little boys are every bit as sweet as little girls.  He is smiling a lot these days and is starting to have a lot to say. I have yet to get a laugh from him, but he's getting so close and I'm trying every goofy thing possible :)  I thought he was going to be my worst sleeper, but he is settling in and often sleeping 8-10 hour stretches at night. We are falling more in love with this little guy everyday!

Ryder and his friend from church, Anna. She's 10 days older than he is

He likes making this face for the camera apparently

 

All dressed up at church on Sunday - such a little man! 

Real Life

After my last blog I felt like I should do a follow up of what grace really looks like in my life.  I never got around to it. I was talking with some friends last night about life and realized I needed to write that update See, grace is not me sitting in my spotless house while my angelic children sleep peacefully and awake with charming personalities to a mother who is always gracious and loving :)  Grace is not perfection.  On the morning I wrote that blog it looked more like this.  I got upset with my husband when he did not meet my expectations.  I raised my voice at one of my girls when she did not want the breakfast I prepared.  I was impatient with children that needed me while I was overwhelmed with a too big to do list.  And yet, over all of that was this sense of grace.  This knowing that God is not disappointed in my imperfection.  The thought that He is big enough to cover it.  Grace happens in real life.  Thank goodness, because there is a lot of real life going on around here, and I'm guessing that happens at your house too.  I'm learning not to be afraid of that.  Realizing that God has me covered while I grow and learn. Knowing that my kids can be just as happy with uncombed hair and toys strewn across that house, and maybe even more importantly realizing I can be happy in the midst of all of that too.  Gotta love real life!

Undone by Grace

Sitting in a quiet house this morning thinking about grace.  How much I need it, how much I need to extend it.  These past two months have been a whirlwind.  Bringing a third child into this family has definitely stretched us.  I feel like our marriage has weathered this transition better than we did with either of the girls (yay to God's grace!), but at the end of the day we are still left feeling pretty well exhausted and slightly overwhelmed.  Most days I feel undone by what it takes to love and nurture and guide three littles.  So blessed, but undone.  So, here I am, just picturing God's grace washing over me. God's grace covering all those mistakes and imperfections in my parenting.  God's grace overwhelming my exhaustion from a sweet, sweet baby that just can't seem to sleep all that well.  And I am just amazed that there is enough to cover it all.  There are no gaps.  I am undone.  But not by exhaustion, or stress, or fear.  Undone by grace.

This song has been speaking to my soul this week. 

Here is our little sweetie.  Two months already!  We are loving him, despite the exhaustion.  He offers the best smiles and is seriously just so much sweetness in a little package! He was 11 lbs 3 oz at his two month appointment on Monday and doing great.

Birthday Girl

This little sweetie pie turns 2 today. Oh, Brielle, what a difference you have made in our lives.  She has brought so much laughter and joy to our house.  She is a little fireball and a little snuggle bug all rolled up into one beautiful package.  

She loves...

- to jump and run and dance

- her big sister, Natalie

- looking at books

- playing with blocks and puzzles

- coloring

- tickle time with Daddy

- snuggling on the couch with books and Mommy

- giving baby Ryder kisses and tickling his toes

We love you, Brielle and are so thankful God gave you to us!

Ryder Elisha

Our little man is a week and a half old, so I figured I should blog about him. By blogging I mean I will add a bunch of pictures and a few details in between.  I am, after all, exhausted and on a bit of a time restraint :)

I was scheduled to have a c-section on July 29th, three days past my due date,  if I didn't go into labor before that.  I really wanted to have another vbac, so I was getting a bit antsy for this guy to come (that and the week of 90 degree weather we had been having!)

I woke up around 5 Monday morning thinking another night had gone by without this baby coming (I had been really uncomfortable and showing signs of labor for a week).  My next thought was I think that was a contraction!  Sure enough.  Luckily I knew enough to have Hans call my mom right away while I called the doctor.  We made it into the hospital around 5:50 and two hours later I had delivered this beautiful baby boy.

 Ryder Elisha Lehman born on July 22 at 7:50 AM , 6 lbs, 6.9 oz and 20 3/4 inches

His daddy is so proud of him and I am so blessed to have this guy father my children and labor with me!

My mom had our girls for two days while we had to wait in the hospital.  She is such a blessing.  And it was so nice my dad was able to come in first thing to see Ryder before he had to head back out on his truck.  

The girls were really excited to see Ryder and it has been so fun to watch them love on their baby brother since.  

Finally! He was worth the wait.  

Heading home from the hospital

Sweet little sleeper - He seems like a pretty content baby so far

A Ballerina Tea Party

We had such a special time celebrating Natalie's 4th birthday yesterday afternoon.  Natalie is so blessed by all the special ladies in her life and it was fun to celebrate with a few of them.  

This was our tea room, with special thanks to my mom for the room, the beautiful flowers and the tea cups and dishes.  

Cupcakes!

  I saw a picture of these little cake toppers online and thought they would be the perfect addition.  They were simple to make too!

 My little mousling ballerina!

The fun craft project we did

I was so happy with how it turned out!

 Natalie just loves these two sweet girls. It's so fun to watch them grow up together

Some fun with the ribbon wands

Waiting...

Feeling tired and emotional this evening... waiting for babies is hard work and I'm still two weeks from my due date :)  Brielle ruined me by coming five weeks early!  I've been trying to keep the house in order this week and stay caught up on cleaning/laundry etc.  Meanwhile the flower beds and garden are full of weeds - there is always something, isn't there?

We are having a ballerina tea party on Sunday for Natalie's birthday. I can't believe she's turning 4! I've had so much fun planning the party - I think she will love it.  I'll be sure to post some pics later. Since her birthday is one day before my due date, we thought we would get the party in early.  So I guess I'll just be thankful this baby boy is still happy and healthy in my belly.  After all, that's what all those shots and doctors appointments were for.

Here are my two giggly girls that are keeping me busy as I wait for their brother.  So thankful for them and for their daddy that's entertaining them this evening as I take a little breather.

Confidence

This chick was my date tonight

After dinner I told her to go upstairs and get ready.  I was just curious to see what she would do.  She, of course, changed her clothes.  She came down and announced to Hans and me, "I look pretty awesome!" With that confidence the girl was ready to go in my opinion. 

 Now I just wish I could say she gets that confidence because that's how I always talk to myself in the mirror - always something to be reminded of.  These days I'm feeling (and looking) quite pregnant, but that doesn't change my pretty awesomeness, right :)

One Better

I finally started blogging the other day after a busy month and a half.  Then things got too wordy and I lost motivation to continue.  So, I'm trying again.  A few less words, but that's usually better anyway :)

I turned 30 the end of April.  I decided what I really wanted was a good, new haircut and a date day with my husband.  I got, and was very pleased, with both!  Here's a picture of my new hair on our day away - oh and my 28 week baby bump too.

I also decided I should have a theme for this milestone birthday. I'm reading a book right now called "Mended" by Angie Smith. It talks about living out your faith in everyday life and finding God's grace and redemption in the midst of it. There are several things that have stood out to me in this book, but one in particular that I've decided to focus on.  She talks about doing "one better." You'll have to read the book to find out what it meant to her, but this is what I took away from it.  

As women I think we can become so overwhelmed by all we have to do.  We have obligations as wives, mothers, friends.  Sometimes I think I am just getting by.  That there is no way I can add anything else to my plate.  Instead of that making me feel fulfilled or giving me an excuse to opt out of things, it often just lets me feeling overwhelmed.  So to me, one better means reading another book to my girls before bed, adding an extra piece of jewelry to an outfit, adding an new ingredient or dish to my menu plan, rubbing my husband's back for five more minutes.  None of this is major.  It's just one more thing that leaves me feeling as if I'm accomplishing something, making a difference, enjoying life a little more.  So that's my "theme" - One Better.  

Easter and Art

March has been such a busy month for us.  I'm looking forwards to a slower (?) April and hopefully some walks to the park.  Here are a few pictures of the girls from Easter.  Sadly, I did not break out my camera at all on Sunday to get the girls in their dresses and our fun with the Lehman crew.

Natalie has been talking about an Easter egg hunt for months.  She was not disappointed!

Brielle loved emptying out her Easter basket!

Brielle and Natalie both love a good art project.  Brielle will be entertained for quite awhile with a box of crayons and Natalie's favorite is glue and scissors.  Here's a little early morning craft session complete with crazy morning hair (good thing I didn't get a picture of myself!)

These girls are growing up so fast.  Hans and I were having a discussion last night about Natalie starting kindergarten, and all of a sudden it's not years down the road.  Sometimes I'm left wondering if I'm growing quickly enough to keep up them...

It's a ....

For those that don't use Facebook, here is our big new from last week....

We are having a boy and we are so excited!  I really thought it was another girl, and I was excited about that too. However, I think a little boy is just the perfect fit and I am getting more and more excited for July!  It does mean a little extra preparation, as things are very pink around here!

Here's the baby boy bump - at 20 weeks!

Here are my sweet girls.  I love how much they are interacting these days and watching Natalie take care of Brielle - so sweet.  She had this basket all set up with pillows and blankets and the book ready, all she had to do was snag Brielle and she pulled it off!

New Pants Needed...

Well, it's official.  Even though I somehow managed to get these pants buttoned when I got dressed this morning (while my husband laughed at me as I grimaced!) they did not stay buttoned for long.  Maternity pants here I come.... I think I'll wait until Friday to pull them out, simply so I can say I made it to 20 weeks.  Guess I'm going to be looking for some elastic until then :)

Wanted to post a few pictures of the girlies, but I'm having trouble for some reason and this momma is ready for bed.  Will try again soon!

Daffodils and Pregnancy

I had a dream two nights ago about daffodils.  They were poking up all over my flower beds.  After my last post I thought this was quite fitting.  Spring is coming.  The night before I had a rather unnerving dream that Hans and I talked about and prayed over... and then there were daffodils.  God is definitely at work in our Winter.  Oh, and there defintely are some daffodils starting to peek out of the ground in my flower bed - I looked!

In other news, I am seventeen weeks pregnant and definitely starting to look like it.  I'm sure my belly popped out much sooner this time around!  Hopefully it levels off at some point :(  I'm feeling good and loving this little wiggling baby more every day.  After a lot of thought and questions and prayers we decided to heed the doctors recommendation for 17p shots, since Brielle was born preterm. It was kind of a tough decision since Brielle was five weeks early, but so strong and healthy.  However, I know that is not always the case and decided I would rather know I did what I could. There's not much to it other than a visit to the doctor every week and a sore butt for a couple days after that :)

I just love Saturday mornings - it doesn't matter that a lot of our mornings have been rather lazy lately.  There is something about a Saturday that makes it feel more legitimate :)  Happy Saturday!

Revealing Grace

Winter...here we are again. Where God takes all that is within me and makes it raw and open before him. I wish I could say it is a beautiful sight, but it's not. At least not in this unrefined state. It's kind of ugly and painful to look at, and since I'm sitting at Panera and not in the safety of my living room I wonder if I even want to go there at all. But this is the moment when my mind is free and my heart is beginning to open.

Winter is a time of desperation for me. It's not just a dislike of the snow and the cold and the gray. It seems to be a time when God opens up my heart and reveals my great need of him. It's the time I mourned over that little heartbeat of my third baby that had to be taken away before he/she even had a chance to begin. It's a time of tight finances and little work. A time of finding a balance between enjoying more time with my husband and struggling to deal with the loss of my space and routine. It's hard. I don't really like it.

The beauty of my Father is that he brings redemption to these times. I know it. I've seen it. Over and over again. And as he begins to open my heart and pull out this ugliness, I begin to see Him again.
He reveals himself in the tiny movements of the twin of the baby we lost - a tiny, amazing miracle. He shows me his grace as I bend over the beds of my sleeping beauties to kiss their sweet, sleeping cheeks. He shows his love through my husband that continues on and loves, loves, loves me even when he sees the ugliness within me the most.

I know I need this season. I don't want to let it pass without rejoicing in these moments - the good with the bad. I don't want to move on without releasing this ugliness and clothing myself with beauty and grace. There's still pain.  There are still things I wish I could change.  But when I can see God it's amazing how my perspective changes.

So for now there will be a little extra worship music around our house.  A few extra winter projects to keep the time moving.  A date night, long overdue, with my favorite guy.  And soon Spring will come, and I will have found beauty and lost some of the ugliness within.

Happy New Year

I am excited for a new year.  Full of anticipation.  2012 ended a little rough for us, but we are ready and hopeful for what is ahead - especially for the addition of this little baby to our family.  Here's to a year of fruitfulness as we abide in the faithfulness of our Father!