Choosing Joy

Today I have a choice. I can give in to the despair that sickness and more sleepless nights lays so clearly in front of me, or I can choose joy. Choose to see blessing where my tired mind sees curses. Choose to see happiness where fatigue begs to see only sadness. I know in the big picture it's clearly better to choose joy, but often in the moment I can only see the dirty house, the crusty noses, the piles of laundry, the hungry bellies. I know in the greater scheme happiness is the key, but so often I only feel the overwhelming responsibility of it all, the exhaustion, the sense of defeat.

Today I am taking a moment, and I'm choosing well. I will post it all over the house if I have to because today I choose joy. I choose life. I choose to see my blessings in the midst of the moment, and I will choose grace when I fail. It's my choice.

Sweet Boy is 6 Months!

My little man is 6 months old today!  

He's a sweet happy little guy.

With a serious side.  He will have to check you out before he breaks into that grin of his.

He's getting so big.  I think with each baby I try to slow down time more and more and am less eager for them to hit the next milestone.

Ryder LOVES his sisters and they are the best babysitters a mommy could ask for (sorry about the crazy girl hair, but this is real life after all!)

Happy six months sweet boy!

At six months I am:

• Rolling from my belly to back
• Starting to scoot around
• Keeping my blue eyes!
• Eating like a big boy - love squash and pears, not a big fan of peas
• Loving my bouncy seat but also enjoying the exersaucer and bumbo when it means I can be close to mommy while she cooks :)
• Smiling and laughing a lot- especially for my sisters
• Putting anything I can get a hold of into my mouth
• Teething, but no teeth yet and drooling a lot (as you can tell from my       pictures)
• Pretty laid-back, except for when it's time to sleep!
• Making Mommy and Daddy very happy and proud!

Sweet Sleep

2014 has come in with a bang for us - lots of sickness, little sleep. I don't believe it's a preview of all this year holds.  I know God has good things in store for us. But, it does just seem like this culmination of all that's been going on the past several months, and it's stirring my spirit.

My number one prayer for awhile has been for peace and sleep for our family.  Ryder came into our lives as this sweet little bundle that just didn't like to sleep all that much, at least not outside of my arms. He gave us a little respite between 2 and 3 months, but it was short lived and by about 4 months in I felt like I was ready to crash and burn.  Little sleep leaves me very emotional and me being very emotional leaves everyone in this home feeling vulnerable. Sad mommy = sad family.

So I decided to start praying, really praying.  I don't know why it took that long.  In the last two months I have probably spent hours praying and singing to my Father with my baby in my arms.  Probably some of my best spent time this whole year. I know God has heard my cries. And so these last two weeks have just seemed like one last jab from the enemy.

But, see the great thing is that he doesn't win. As I spend time with my Father my heart mends, my emotions are channeled, my soul is singing again. I believe God's heart is for sweet sleep for my baby, just as much as He desires health for us.  So I'll just keep asking and realizing He will have to take care of the rest.  So 2014, here we come!

Hans built the girls bunk beds for Christmas.  They love them! And actually, when healthy, I think they are sleeping better than ever in their new beds.

This guy is just the sweetest thing.  He just loves to snuggle... all night long :)

This was Brielle's last night in her crib.  She is growing up so fast and doing really well sleeping in her new bed and going potty!

Natalie made Christmas so much fun this year.  She is busy learning.  She writes almost all of her letters and her latest kick is writing words.  So much fun watching her learn and knowing she's getting ready for kindergarten!

Breathe deep and run!

Awww.... that moment of quiet, that some days never seems to fall upon this house, but always seems to come when most needed.  Breathe deep, refocus, rest for another run.  Sometimes I cannot find the quiet, and I just pray for refreshment while I run; but today it's here, and I'm clinging to it for a few moments. This is one tough and beautiful job.

And to all the mothers out there, you are tough and beautiful woman designed specifically for this tough and beautiful job. Don't forget it.  Breathe deep and run!

3 months!

I can't believe my little Ryder man is 3 months old already!  He is such a little sweetie.  I would have to say little boys are every bit as sweet as little girls.  He is smiling a lot these days and is starting to have a lot to say. I have yet to get a laugh from him, but he's getting so close and I'm trying every goofy thing possible :)  I thought he was going to be my worst sleeper, but he is settling in and often sleeping 8-10 hour stretches at night. We are falling more in love with this little guy everyday!

Ryder and his friend from church, Anna. She's 10 days older than he is

He likes making this face for the camera apparently

 

All dressed up at church on Sunday - such a little man! 

Real Life

After my last blog I felt like I should do a follow up of what grace really looks like in my life.  I never got around to it. I was talking with some friends last night about life and realized I needed to write that update See, grace is not me sitting in my spotless house while my angelic children sleep peacefully and awake with charming personalities to a mother who is always gracious and loving :)  Grace is not perfection.  On the morning I wrote that blog it looked more like this.  I got upset with my husband when he did not meet my expectations.  I raised my voice at one of my girls when she did not want the breakfast I prepared.  I was impatient with children that needed me while I was overwhelmed with a too big to do list.  And yet, over all of that was this sense of grace.  This knowing that God is not disappointed in my imperfection.  The thought that He is big enough to cover it.  Grace happens in real life.  Thank goodness, because there is a lot of real life going on around here, and I'm guessing that happens at your house too.  I'm learning not to be afraid of that.  Realizing that God has me covered while I grow and learn. Knowing that my kids can be just as happy with uncombed hair and toys strewn across that house, and maybe even more importantly realizing I can be happy in the midst of all of that too.  Gotta love real life!

Undone by Grace

Sitting in a quiet house this morning thinking about grace.  How much I need it, how much I need to extend it.  These past two months have been a whirlwind.  Bringing a third child into this family has definitely stretched us.  I feel like our marriage has weathered this transition better than we did with either of the girls (yay to God's grace!), but at the end of the day we are still left feeling pretty well exhausted and slightly overwhelmed.  Most days I feel undone by what it takes to love and nurture and guide three littles.  So blessed, but undone.  So, here I am, just picturing God's grace washing over me. God's grace covering all those mistakes and imperfections in my parenting.  God's grace overwhelming my exhaustion from a sweet, sweet baby that just can't seem to sleep all that well.  And I am just amazed that there is enough to cover it all.  There are no gaps.  I am undone.  But not by exhaustion, or stress, or fear.  Undone by grace.

This song has been speaking to my soul this week. 

Here is our little sweetie.  Two months already!  We are loving him, despite the exhaustion.  He offers the best smiles and is seriously just so much sweetness in a little package! He was 11 lbs 3 oz at his two month appointment on Monday and doing great.