Happy New Year

I am excited for a new year.  Full of anticipation.  2012 ended a little rough for us, but we are ready and hopeful for what is ahead - especially for the addition of this little baby to our family.  Here's to a year of fruitfulness as we abide in the faithfulness of our Father!

My Story.

I have written so many things this past week, thought so many thoughts, had so many conversations in my head.  I'm unsure how to share a story of sadness and joy. Longing to express my heart, but insecure in where to start and stop.  My wise husband said, "just share, it's your story."

We lost a little life last week.  A little baby with a beating heart that did not make it to the security of Mommy's womb. Ectopic pregnancy - one of those strange, "wouldn't happen to me" things that happened.  I mourn for that little life, that beating heart that felt safe.  That is now safe, not in my womb, but in the hands of his or her Maker.

We discovered another little life last week.  A little baby with a beating heart in the security of my womb.  Two babies, one that had to be taken from me, and one I am blessed to hold and carry for awhile longer. And so I mourn and I rejoice and sometimes I don't know what I'm doing when.

And God is with me and he carries me.  I explained this evening to my three year old how God is the One that knows everything.  That we are ok, even when we don't know because He knows.  The truth of those words hit me now and I'm overhwhelmed by a God who knows, a God who is.  And my heart beats in the security of His arms.  And ultimately I rejoice because He's got us and we are all ok.

Grace for the morning

It was one of those moments... everything broke down and we were all left in tears. Mommy, big girl, and baby.  I'm crying out for God to cover the brokenness, the disobedience, the sickness as we all cry; and I'm left asking myself "how did we get to this point?"  I can list a handful of things - the morning started to abruptly, Daddy left for work after being home a couple of days, stress, sickness, fatigue.  And while all of these things may have contributed to our chaotic start, none of those things were the root.  What if I had sought out my Father first thing, rather than a hot shower?  What if I had given thanks for a new dawn, instead of focusing  on the "to do's" of the day.  What if I had embraced redemption, sought out grace, chosen joy?  And so my prayer ushered in a new beginning, a do-over for our morning thanks to the redemption, grace, and joy of our King.  Now we have peace for the moment, and God's presence and forgiveness to cover the rest.  It's a good morning.

Good morning!

I know this is the story of motherhood, but this little girl is growing up so fast!  Still no words, but so much expression and so much personality!  I just love her.

Attitude Change

Today was one of those days.  That day that you know you need a perspective ....ummm...errr... attitude change, but you just can't seem to get there.  And everything is a reflection of it, especially the attitude of your children.  BIG SIGH!  I am so thankful for a Mom who takes time on her day off to pick us up (did I mention I couldn't even get out because I couldn't start the car!) and treats us to ice cream.  I am blessed by a husband who comes home from work and heads straight out to the garage to fix my car because he heard the panic in my voice when I couldn't leave the house earlier in the day.  I am delighted by the giggles of my baby as we snuggle before she slips off to her sweet slumber.  I am amazed by my girl who challenges me and inspires me by her will and her heart.  Her prayers are touching the heart of her Father and softening my heart.

"Dear God, help us to listen." " Dear God, Brielle and me and Oscar (the cat) are scared of thunder, please don't leave us."  "Dear God, Brielle follows me everywhere, please help us."

God, give me the grace and the perspective (ok, attitude change) to love and to lead.

Happy Fall

For all those wondering, and I'm sure it's all of you, I feel like I've been able to embrace Fall finally.  Yesterday I made applesauce - what a chore!  But, my family loves it and I feel so good feeding it to them!  It actually worked out perfectly because Hans and his Dad were here working on his Dad's computer and they were great at entertaining the girls while I worked.  They even took both girls with them when they had to run out to the store, and they brought back dinner - blessed! So applesauce is in the freezer.

On Saturday Hans cooked a turkey for us - what a man!  It was delicious!  I know, you're thinking, turkey on a random September weekend?  Well, we have great neighbors and a few months ago they gave us a turkey they weren't going to use.  So, it's been in our freezer, and I decided it was time to use it.  Of course, I gave my husband the honors.  He did such a great job.  His parents came over to enjoy it with us and the rest is in the freezer... for soup... or... anyone have some great leftover turkey recipes?  I really wanted to get some pictures of Hans in the kitchen, but I forgot :(

We also had a fun little campfire at my parents the other night to celebrate Fall... oh and the fact that Monica and Mwita were visiting :)  I just love my family and that we love each other.

Here are a few pictures, starting off with the new Fall wreath I made for the front door and the fun leaf garland in the living room.

This little girl loves to play!  It's so fun watching her explore and learn.

My sweetie.  We are starting a little preschool class a few days a week.  More details to come on that.

Changing Seasons

There's something about the changing of seasons that makes me feel restless somehow... ready to move on to the next thing, but always a little hesitant to leave anything behind.

Especially as Summer turns to Fall I feel this little spark of joy mixed with a tinge of sorrow. See really I thrive on the changing of seasons.  I'm not the kind of person that wants something to stay the same way all the time.  As long Summer nights turn into crisp Autumn mornings something new begins to wake... new ideas, new excursions, new routines.

Then there is always that thought of what I missed.  Did we spend enough time soaking up the sun, splashing in water, letting popsicles drip off our chins? Did we have enough picnics and walks to the park?  Did I pick enough flowers and eat enough tomatoes straight from own garden?

And then the list gets sillier... I didn't pull enough weeds, I didn't tend to that garden at all.  I'm sure I didn't let enough fresh air into our house and into those little lungs that I'm responsible for.  We should have eaten more summer produce and gotten more exercise. We should have, we would, we could have.... does anyone else do this?

However, here I am. On a day that definitely feels like Fall, and I've been doing this in between thing for a few weeks now.  It's time to commit!  All the summer clothes were finally put away this morning.  The girls and I are headed to the orchard after naps to pick up some delicious apples - I see apple pie and applesauce in our future!  I'm going to be intentional about Fall and not mournful about Summer.  Maybe someday all of my ambitions will come to pass, but either way - Here's to Fall and the moment!