The end of January I found out I was pregnant. We were thrilled and in my mind I quickly began the planning process - will it be a boy or a girl? where will the baby sleep? how will Natalie feel? I need to buy diapers, I need to buy clothes, Natalie will need a new bed - the process I think only a mother can truly understand.
A week later I had some bleeding and cramping and was sent for an ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed a gestational sac with no baby inside. A few days later blood work showed that my hormone levels were basically back to a pre-pregnancy level. I had lost the baby. The choice was a D & C or to wait and let the process happen naturally. I chose to wait. And so began the mourning process.
Fast forward a month and a half. I feel pregnant again. After thinking about it for awhile I finally worked up the nerve to take a pregnancy test and sure enough it was positive. With some reluctance I returned to the doctor to see what was happening. Best case scenario in my mind I'm about six weeks pregnant with a new pregnancy. Worst case scenario, I'm still dealing with hormones leftover from the first pregnancy.
I make it to the doctor, with my husband by my side, feeling excited, but a little unsure. She tells me that if I still have pregnancy tissue in my body left from the first pregnancy that may give me a positive pregnancy test. She begins the ultrasound. And I don't think I will ever forget the words that come next. "Are you ready for this?" How do answer that? She turns the screen around to reveal not pregnancy tissue, not a 6 or 7 week old fetus, but an almost 15 week old baby with a beating heart and flailing limbs! I never miscarried.
I wish I have a view into what went on in my womb the past three months. I can't know that. The thing I know is that God has been faithful again, the whole time. He was faithful when I found out I was pregnant, He was faithful when I was devastated over miscarrying, He was faithful as I watched the beating heart of that beautiful baby, and He will continue to be the same. Maybe the doctors were wrong and the baby was fine and healthy the whole time. Maybe the baby wasn't fine and healthy and God brought new life. Either way, He's good and we're ecstatic! Baby #2 makes his or her entrance into the world the beginning of October!
