My Days

It is unbelievable to me that summer is over and we are headed towards fall. I always find this time of the year bittersweet. I look forwards to crisper, cooler days after a hot, dry summer. I look forwards to the schedule and activities that fall brings after the more laid back days of summer. However, at the same time I mourn the loss of hot weather and relaxing days.

Amirah is an added bonus to this fall weather. I am keeping her five days a week this year, which is proving to be challenging and rewarding. The challenging moments come when I cannot possibly meet the immediate demands of two girls six months apart in age. The rewards come when Natalie bends over to give Amirah a kiss and Amirah reciprocates with a big smile! I'm looking forwards to this year, to watch both girls grow and bond, to invest myself in these small lives with enormous potential.

First Ice Cream Cone!

Well, Natalie's first ice cream cone was a huge success.... and a huge mess, but that's part of the fun, right?

Growing up

I cannot believe that Natalie will be a year old on Sunday. It is amazing the changes a baby makes in the first year. I barely recognize those newborn pictures anymore. Instead I see this vibrant face of my toddler with her curly hair and ready smile. I love this child beyond description.

She loves to be chased, especially by her daddy and especially when he scoops her up and throws her in the air when she is caught. She loves moving her books and toys from one location to another; this tasks keeps her busy half the day. I love watching her do this because she seems to have a definite plan about what she is doing. She loves putting pennies in her piggy bank - smart girl! We can't find enough pennies for her. Secretly I think she is saving for something and just pretending she finds it fun to put the pennies in. She loves talking to people. She practically demands to be noticed at stores. She will smile and "talk" and wave at anyone that is willing to notice.

Hans and I feel so blessed to be her parents. She has totally changed our lives in almost every area, in a way you can never understand until you are a parent. Sometimes it seems we are reeling from the sheer exhaustion of it and sometimes we just stand in pure wonder of the beauty. Either way, we wouldn't trade it for anything.

Happy birthday, beautiful girl!

Security

I'm reading this book right now that I'm going to recommend you read, whether you like the title or not. It's called "So Long Insecurity you've been a bad friend to us" by Beth Moore. I didn't like the title. For one thing, I couldn't find it right away at the library, so I had to ask about it. Who wants to ask for help finding a book about insecurity, that's like wearing a big sticker that says "I'm insecure" isn't it? Then it's been lying around my house for the past four weeks (yeah, it wasn't a quick read for me) reminding me of the issue and alerting anyone that stepped into my house of the issues as well.

That said, I don't think I'm an incredibly insecure person - thanks very little to me and thanks very much to my upbringing. However, there are areas where I struggle and know I could do better. Our culture is like a self-esteem killer for women (and men, but I'm focusing on women right not). I think as a mom, especially as a mom of a daughter, I need to be aware of this and fight for security and confidence! I don't want Natalie growing up comparing herself to every magazine cover and TV ad. I don't want her to think that she has to look or act perfect to find value. And so I realize I have to model confidence to her. I don't want her to catch me looking in the mirror ten times before we can head out the door or trying on fifteen different outfits before finding one that is at least OK. And I certainly don't want her to hear me making negative comments about how I look and act or about someone else. I want her to see a model that handles herself with grace and elegance and treats others with love and respect. So, this is my challenge to myself. In all areas, I want to find my security in my Creator and out of that love myself and love those around me.

Here is a an excerpt from the book that speaks to our value in Christ. Instead of worrying and asking "What will I do if.....?" we need to trust God and say "What will God do if...?" Here are several answers.

I, the Maker of heaven and earth, will:

perfect everything that concerns you (Psalm 138:8)

work all things together for your good (Romans 8:28)

contend with those who contend with you (Isaiah 49:25)

fight this battle with you (2 Chronicles 20:15)

equip you with divine power (2 Corinthians 10:4)

delight to show you mercy (Micah 7:18)

meet all your needs according to My glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phillippians 4:19)

give you grace that is perfectly sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9)

be your power in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9)

do immeasurably more than all you could ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work

within you (Ephesians 3:20)

As promised, here are a few of the things I love about being a mommy, in picture form.

I love that Natalie cleverly realizes that if she puts things in her mouth she can carry things with her and still move around with both hands free (and yes, this time the sock is clean)

I love how much Natalie loves to explore... she had a little help from her Daddy to get inside the ottoman, but I wouldn't doubt that she could find a way to get in there herself!

I love my two baby days, as challenging as they can be sometimes. I love the relationship Natalie and Amirah are already building. Natalie cannot get enough of this little girl (and unfortunately has not yet learned to show her affection gently. How do you teach a baby to do that?) And Amirah had her first giggle for Natalie!

I love a baby in summer clothes! Not only is it easy, but I cannot get enough of those chubby arms! (and they cannot begin to compare to the chubby legs!)

Confessions of a Mommy on a Grumpy Day

So, it's never a good sign when mommy wakes up grumpy. Maybe it was the fact that I knew the 80 degree whether had gone away for awhile. Maybe it was the knowledge that I had a lot to accomplish on a two baby day. Maybe it was the truth that 6 hours of sleep just isn't cutting it for me. Whatever the excuse, I knew as soon as a woke up that I didn't feel like a happy camper and worse yet I wasn't sure that I felt like changing my attitude. Ever have one of those days?

And why is it that when you wake up grumpy, your baby wakes up grumpy too? Now I know that it may just be my perception and it may be my baby reacting to my mood, but however you look at it - it's been a grumpy day.

I must say, some of my grumpiness has subsided (and it doesn't hurt that I actually have two sleeping babies right now!). But, I thought I would take this opportunity to reflect on some of the less wonderful things about motherhood. Because the truth is that I love being a mommy, and whenever asked I can share a hundred things I love about it. But it's only on grumpy days that I feel I can share some of the hardships, and they deserve to be shared as well I think.

So here goes - Sleep. I never knew how much I loved, adored, desired it. It's a wonderful thing. And I have an eight month old that more often than not does not sleep through the night. We've had wonderful stretches, starting at just two months old, where she would do so. However, she always seems to give it up. I know there are all kinds of ideas and methods on how to get your baby to sleep through the night. I've studied all of them and even tried a few. The simple fact is that I don't like any of them and in the middle of the night it is still easier for me to feed that little snuggle bug and put her back to bed than it is to listen to her scream. As I write this I think we may be improving in this area, but it's to soon to tell :)

Teething - why did God not see it fit for babies to be born with all their teeth? I know, that's a funny picture and I'm sure God had some good reasons, but teething is tough and I'm not even the one feeling the physical pain. And here's the next question, why does Natalie always cut a new tooth on days that Amirah is here? It's hard enough to take care of a teething baby. It feels almost impossible to take care of one when there is another baby in your care as well. Then the tooth comes and you feel quite accomplished. You know you are a mommy when you swell with pride at the sight of a new tooth.

Nursing - I love nursing my baby. This was not always the case. In fact I would almost say I hated it in the beginning and the only reason that we've reached this point is because I am too stubborn to quit. This being said, there is nothing that makes you feel more attached to your baby than nursing. This is a very positive thing, but can also be a very frustrating thing. I know this doesn't have to be the case - I could have bought a better pump or trained Natalie to take formula from time to time, but I didn't. And so I cannot leave this child without thinking about how she is going to eat and what I am going to do when she doesn't eat from me. Not only that, but I am quite sure Natalie is the worst public nurser ever - she was from day one. She is just so nosy that there is no being discreet. Oh well, I do love her nosiness (sp?), so I guess I'll deal with it.

There are tons more things that I adore about mommyhood than I dislike, so my next post will probably be filled with those in typical mommy fashion. But for now, these are a few of my confessions on a grumpy day :)

Great Grandma

My mom, sisters, niece, daughter and myself all got together at my Grandma's house this week. What a blessing to spend a day with my favorite girls. It is so special watching Grandma with Natalie and Amirah. She is truly enjoying being a Great Grandma. She waited a long time and then got four great grandkids all within a year! I'm grateful for the opportunity Natalie has to form a relationship with her right now. And it makes me sad that the rest of my grandparents aren't around to see my precious little girl. However, what a heritage she has, and that can't be taken from her.