Perspective

One teething toddler and one with a fever - sounds like a recipe for disaster. And so far this week it almost has been, and that was even before I got sick. Then this morning I'm sitting in the living room watching the girls play contently and all of sudden it's worthwhile. All of it. The snot, the screams, the lack of sleep. I tried several times to make myself take advantage of the happy moment and sneak out to the kitchen, but there I sat.... watching my girls, beautiful girls. That's all I needed to do.

Randomness

I think I've probably had this title before. It is so much my thought patterns recently - I'm all over the place. It's part of the reason I haven't blogged in awhile. It's easy to blog when you have your thoughts in a pattern, but so much harder when they are all over the place. So, bear with me - or don't. I promise I won't be offended.

Thought #1 - How do you balance family and ministry. I know countless people have done it before. I also know it hasn't always been done right. I'm not willing to make that mistake. More to come on this later.

Thought #2 - How do you become intentional about spending quality time with your kids when you are always with them. I love spending time with my girl - she is in a book phase and we probably spend hours each week reading books together. I wouldn't trade this for anything. And yet there are times when I feel so torn about getting things done and/or reading another book. I know, I'm never going to regret reading that book, but I don't want to feel guilty about spending some time getting things done either. Oh, the balance of motherhood.

Thought #3 - Hans has a new job! I don't have a lot to say about that except that God is so faithful even when I, even though I've seen it before, doubt his faithfulness.

Thought #4 - A couple posts ago I wrote about winter and God's grace, and I feel like in the past couple of weeks I have begun to see Spring. Yes, in the natural but in so many other areas as well. Again, God is faithful.

Thought #5 - I'm reading the book "Bringing Up Girls" by Dr. Dobson. If you have a daughter you need to read it! More on this later also.

Thought #6 - I am going to read some of said book while my house is still quiet...

Curls

I just couldn't resist capturing these curls last Sunday morning. Of course Natalie wasn't interested in posing - if I had those curls I'm pretty sure I would pose! Anyway, here's what I captured.

Grace

I am so amazed at the grace of my Father... and thankful, because where would I be without it? This winter in many ways has been just that for our family - winter - cold, dreary, dare I say dead. I can think of so many areas that have brought struggle, stress, loss, fear... and yet there is grace. There is this favor shown by a heavenly Father to his earthly children. I am blown away by it when I allow myself to look beyond winter and see. The thing about winter is there is always a promise of spring. I sometimes forget this in my overwhelming despair, which is only overwhelming because I allow it to be. But, today I see. Spring is coming, and I don't think just in the natural. I'm declaring it's coming spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically, and really any other way it wants to come. And in whatever season I find myself, I rejoice in the knowledge that there is grace. That my great God continues to love me, continues to lead me, continues to give me more than enough.

Eighteen Months!

Natalie is eighteen months old. I'm not sure how this happened. Six months blew me away, and then we celebrated her first birthday, and now a year and a half? I am just amazed, everyday, at this beautiful creation God has made and entrusted to us.

She loves running with her Daddy. They have races back and forth through the living room and kitchen which, of course, always ends up in fits of laughter as her Daddy catches her and sweeps her up - I love it!

She loves organizing, yes you heard me right, organizing. I'm fairly sure she doesn't get this trait from me. The majority of her concentrated playtime is spent moving small objects from one place to another. It is great fun watching the determination on her face. She definitely has a plan for what she is doing.

She is my little helper. She loves emptying the dishwasher, taking clothes out of the dryer, throwing away trash, getting toys and snacks for Amirah, putting things away, setting the table, and her new found joy - helping me cook.

I love this girl. Who knew a little girl could be so irresistible :)

Becoming Like a Child

It is amazing to me how much being a mom makes me so aware of my frailty. I think this is a good thing, but it can feel so desperate at times. I felt like I had this direct view of my relationship with God through one such desperate "conversation" with my 18 month old this afternoon. She is standing in front of me falling apart over one thing or another (it was just one of those days). I say, "Natalie, come here. I can help you, but you have to let me." And all of a sudden, it's not a conversation between Natalie and I anymore. I know that God has been whispering the same thing to me as I fall apart over one thing or another (it was just one of those days...weeks... ok, maybe months). "Angela, come here. I can help you, but you have to let me." All of a sudden it's as if I'm the eighteen month old; and as I pull my daughter into a big embrace, I feel the embrace of my Father. We're ok. She's safe in my arms because we are both safe in the arms of our Daddy.

Seeing Clearly

Natalie is upstairs wrapping my Christmas presents with her Daddy, which first of all, I love! I imagine he is in for a little more than he bargained for, but these are the moments memories are built on and he was game. What Daddy could resist that lit up face and the plea of "belp" which in our world we know means "help" - it's the language we speak these days. I am so blessed to have Hans as my husband and the Daddy of my precious little girl.

Recently, I feel like I've been in somewhat of a fog. Sometimes things happen, and I don't understand them, and I get frustrated, and I try fix things, and things get built up inside of me, and I don't take time to deal, and I snap at little things, and I begin to not like who I'm becoming, and I don't take time to really love those that are most important, and I don't trust God, and that means I trust myself, and that's a really scary place to be. I know that's a major run-on sentence, but that's how things build. So anyway, it's almost Christmas, and I need to come out of this cloud because I am so blessed! I cannot deny that. The only thing I need is to learn that God knows exactly what I need. That's enough.

So, Merry Christmas. I am celebrating today with my little, beautiful family. I will delight in the smiles, and giggles, and even cries because this is what I have been given and this is what memories are built on. I hope you celebrate too.