New Life

I don't even know where to begin this story. It is the story of the past three months of our lives but so, so much more than that. It's the story that resonates over and over in our lives of the faithful God we serve. All glory, wonder, awe.... belong to Him!

The end of January I found out I was pregnant. We were thrilled and in my mind I quickly began the planning process - will it be a boy or a girl? where will the baby sleep? how will Natalie feel? I need to buy diapers, I need to buy clothes, Natalie will need a new bed - the process I think only a mother can truly understand.

A week later I had some bleeding and cramping and was sent for an ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed a gestational sac with no baby inside. A few days later blood work showed that my hormone levels were basically back to a pre-pregnancy level. I had lost the baby. The choice was a D & C or to wait and let the process happen naturally. I chose to wait. And so began the mourning process.

Fast forward a month and a half. I feel pregnant again. After thinking about it for awhile I finally worked up the nerve to take a pregnancy test and sure enough it was positive. With some reluctance I returned to the doctor to see what was happening. Best case scenario in my mind I'm about six weeks pregnant with a new pregnancy. Worst case scenario, I'm still dealing with hormones leftover from the first pregnancy.

I make it to the doctor, with my husband by my side, feeling excited, but a little unsure. She tells me that if I still have pregnancy tissue in my body left from the first pregnancy that may give me a positive pregnancy test. She begins the ultrasound. And I don't think I will ever forget the words that come next. "Are you ready for this?" How do answer that? She turns the screen around to reveal not pregnancy tissue, not a 6 or 7 week old fetus, but an almost 15 week old baby with a beating heart and flailing limbs! I never miscarried.

I wish I have a view into what went on in my womb the past three months. I can't know that. The thing I know is that God has been faithful again, the whole time. He was faithful when I found out I was pregnant, He was faithful when I was devastated over miscarrying, He was faithful as I watched the beating heart of that beautiful baby, and He will continue to be the same. Maybe the doctors were wrong and the baby was fine and healthy the whole time. Maybe the baby wasn't fine and healthy and God brought new life. Either way, He's good and we're ecstatic! Baby #2 makes his or her entrance into the world the beginning of October!

A little Spring!

Here are my gardeners - I have such good help! It was so fun watching them "work" together while I cleaned up the kitchen last night. I'm pretty sure Natalie was telling Hans exactly what to do.

Here is the wreath I made for my door this Spring. I got the idea here. I love having a wreath for my door, but I never feel like paying money for one. This still cost me some money because my craft supplies are limited, but it was fun to do!

E-I-E-I-O

I had a coupon for a free frappé at McDonald's, so even though the girls and I weren't feeling all that well, I decided we had to get out of the house for a little while Friday afternoon. They seemed excited to be getting their shoes and coats on after a week spent mostly at home. I said, "girls we are going to get a treat. We are going to McDonald's." They both looked at me with excitement in their eyes and exclaimed,"E-I-E-I-O?" Ok, so they don't really know what McDonald's is, but they made my day :)

Perspective

One teething toddler and one with a fever - sounds like a recipe for disaster. And so far this week it almost has been, and that was even before I got sick. Then this morning I'm sitting in the living room watching the girls play contently and all of sudden it's worthwhile. All of it. The snot, the screams, the lack of sleep. I tried several times to make myself take advantage of the happy moment and sneak out to the kitchen, but there I sat.... watching my girls, beautiful girls. That's all I needed to do.

Randomness

I think I've probably had this title before. It is so much my thought patterns recently - I'm all over the place. It's part of the reason I haven't blogged in awhile. It's easy to blog when you have your thoughts in a pattern, but so much harder when they are all over the place. So, bear with me - or don't. I promise I won't be offended.

Thought #1 - How do you balance family and ministry. I know countless people have done it before. I also know it hasn't always been done right. I'm not willing to make that mistake. More to come on this later.

Thought #2 - How do you become intentional about spending quality time with your kids when you are always with them. I love spending time with my girl - she is in a book phase and we probably spend hours each week reading books together. I wouldn't trade this for anything. And yet there are times when I feel so torn about getting things done and/or reading another book. I know, I'm never going to regret reading that book, but I don't want to feel guilty about spending some time getting things done either. Oh, the balance of motherhood.

Thought #3 - Hans has a new job! I don't have a lot to say about that except that God is so faithful even when I, even though I've seen it before, doubt his faithfulness.

Thought #4 - A couple posts ago I wrote about winter and God's grace, and I feel like in the past couple of weeks I have begun to see Spring. Yes, in the natural but in so many other areas as well. Again, God is faithful.

Thought #5 - I'm reading the book "Bringing Up Girls" by Dr. Dobson. If you have a daughter you need to read it! More on this later also.

Thought #6 - I am going to read some of said book while my house is still quiet...

Curls

I just couldn't resist capturing these curls last Sunday morning. Of course Natalie wasn't interested in posing - if I had those curls I'm pretty sure I would pose! Anyway, here's what I captured.

Grace

I am so amazed at the grace of my Father... and thankful, because where would I be without it? This winter in many ways has been just that for our family - winter - cold, dreary, dare I say dead. I can think of so many areas that have brought struggle, stress, loss, fear... and yet there is grace. There is this favor shown by a heavenly Father to his earthly children. I am blown away by it when I allow myself to look beyond winter and see. The thing about winter is there is always a promise of spring. I sometimes forget this in my overwhelming despair, which is only overwhelming because I allow it to be. But, today I see. Spring is coming, and I don't think just in the natural. I'm declaring it's coming spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically, and really any other way it wants to come. And in whatever season I find myself, I rejoice in the knowledge that there is grace. That my great God continues to love me, continues to lead me, continues to give me more than enough.